Help!!!

I had no clue that trying to get pregnant would be so hard!

I’m sure…let me rephrase that, I know it’s not that hard for everyone. I know they say that some women get looked at and “BAM!”…preggo.

For us... it’s not the case. Ever since we got married I’ve been wanting to start our family. We held off and have been really careful to not get pregnant for so many years. That was the easy part. I always thought it was the other way around.

We waited because Ben and I have always felt strongly that if we were going to have a family that I would be home to take care of the house and the children. I’ve never wanted to have children and then send them to someone else to be raised.

Well, Ben finally graduated from school so we kind of planned that I would have the baby a month after he graduated. Well that’s passed and no baby… not even a pregnancy!

I’m feeling so frustrated and hopeless of the whole gosh darn situation. We’ve officially tried for 9 months now with no success. I did get pregnant in September but didn’t know I was pregnant till I miscarried in October. We were sad, but grateful that it was still way early in the pregnancy.

Anywho, I have a few factors working against me. #1. I have a tilted uterus, which is a problem with fertility. #2. I have hypothyroid (that’s why I’m FAT!- ha! That’s what my little Chinese family doctor told me. He poked my stomach and said, in my best Chinese accent, “You have hypothyroid. That’s why you FAT!”) which is another problem with fertility. And #3. I have a uterine fibroid. My OBGYN swears up and down that most women have these and mine is so small that it wouldn’t interfere with the birthing process but it could also affect my fertility.

So, that’s 3 strikes! Ben and I went in October to my OBGYN to actually talk to her about advice and information about fertility treatments and that’s when she told me that I was actually pregnant but was in the early stages of miscarriage. My doctor was very excited because she said that at least now we know that I can get pregnant. She recommended that we purchase an ovulation monitor ($245.00) to make sure that we are timing my ovulation and that thing that married people do. (Sorry I’m trying not to be so graphic) Well I’ve known for the past 6 years every time I’ve ovulated! I’ve been BBT charting ever since we got married. I’m an expert so I didn’t understand why I had to have a $245.00 machine tell me when I was ovulating. Well we still listened to my doctor and I found a monitor online for $145.00. I’ve used it for 3 months now and still no success. Actually, I’m only going to count 2 of those months because one of those months Ben and I were vomiting (out of both ends) all through my fertile phase. Anyways, her recommendation was go home and keep trying, relax and get drunk for the holidays and it will happen. If it doesn’t then, call her at the beginning of the year and we’ll talk about fertility treatments.

Well, it's the beginning of the year and still no success. I feel like we've done everything we could (except get drunk). So I made an appointment today, to talk to my doctor about fertility treatments. The appointment is scheduled for next week and I'm kind of nervous. Ben is excited because to him, Fertility Treatments = Multiples! Friends keep telling me to be patient and it will happen, not on my time but on the Lord's time. And I totally get that, it's just that I feel like my time is running out. I'm going to be 30 in less than a month and that means that I'll only have 5 good years to have all of our babies before I'd be in the high risk stage! I don't want to turn to fertility drugs but I also don't want to wait too long! I'm starting to feel like it's our only option. It's scary to me because I don't know or understand all of the side effects both short term and long term and also it scares me because it's not natural. I'm so totally bummed and stressed to the max and I know that this is not helping any.

Every month I get excited because I get some kind of pregnancy symptom but then I get my monthly visit from the crimson tide. Especially this month, I was so convinced that I was preggo! I had breast soreness for 2 weeks straight now, I gained 5lbs, I keep smelling pickles, I've been craving Kraft Singles (which I hate), bloating and I even feel nauseous! I learned last night that this is called, Pseudocyesis or false pregnancy symptoms.

So now I feel like some crazy lady with a tilted uterus, hypothyroid, a uterine fibroid, Pseudocyesis and still not pregnant! Arrrrrgggg!!!!

I wish we could just go away on a vacation for a couple of days and just relax and leave all of our worries and stresses at home.

Someone please help! Any advice or anyone else who’s been through this!?! I know all of my friends have been “Fertile Myrtles”, so words of encouragement and prayers would help too.